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Family Life Office Archdiocese of Cincinnati |
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BEREAVEMENT AFTER THE LOSS: LEARNING TO COPE For every rainbow to be formed, you must have rain as
well as constant sunshine, for constant sunshine makes a desert. Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all consolations, who consoles us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to console those who are in any affliction with the consolation with which we ourselves are consoled by God. 2 Corninthians 1:3-4 So many emotions; so many highs; so many lows; sadness; strength; tears; bereavement; wonder; confusion; loneliness; emptiness; I can’t concentrate; all of these feelings and more accompany the person in the loss of a loved one. Everyone experiences grief differently. Some hold it in; others try to get rid of it by letting it out. Regardless of how grief affects a person, it always hurts. Thankfully, grief is not a permanent state, but rather a process one goes through as a means of coping with loss. It is important to understand grief and its effects while you’re grieving. Understanding leads to acceptance, and acceptance leads to healing. Grieving does not make you weak. It makes you strong. The first step in dealing with grief is accepting its existence. Once you’ve acknowledged its presence, you can begin getting through it. WHERE THERE’S LIFE, THERE’S GRIEF…. The death of a loved one is not the only occasion for grief. Experiencing loss is a normal part of living, and grief is the normal human response to loss. In fact, when we experience a significant loss and don’t grieve, we can suffer emotional, physical, and even spiritual harm. Here are some less heralded but still significant losses in daily life which may cause grief: When people move; the loss of a job; retirement; illness; child goes off to school; divorce; loss of a home from fire, tornado, or flood; rape; and many more. RETURNING TO “NORMAL” What’s “normal”? Normal is different for you than your friends because of what you have experienced. Your sense of “normal” will change as you pass through the grieving experience, and it will be different from month to month. DO WE NEED TO GET HELP?
There are various places to go for help. Your local church would probably be a good starting point. Your parish may already have a support group or a Stephan Minister or give names of other local groups. Funeral Homes today are offering seminars and training for bereavement and bereavement ministry. Hospice offers before care and sometimes aftercare. Check the internet for organizations and websites for death and various losses. Stop at your local library and peruse the book section on grief and loss. STARTING YOUR OWN BEREAVEMENT MINISTRY IN YOUR PARISH The Family Life Office can help parish help in developing programs and resources to get started in developing your own bereavement ministry. A number of parishes within the Archdiocese of Cincinnati have successful bereavement programs that have been in existence for a number of years. The Family Life Office could provide enrichment evenings or day events for bereavement ministers. Parishes might also consider providing a book rack in the church with Care Notes, Mental Health Brochures dealing with grief and its aftermath, Bereavement Magazines, Bereavement Care, etc. Listed are two excellent websites: National Catholic Ministry to the Bereaved: NCMBereave@aol.com and Cancer Family Care: http://www.cancerfamilycare.org/ |
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Some
people have a great support system with their family, friends and
neighbors. Others feel very alone and struggle daily to go on. If you are
the latter, you will probably need to seek help and counseling.