MARRIAGE PREPARATION:
Marriage
Preparation Guidelines
-
Meeting with marriage preparation minister:
this initial meeting includes gathering basic information, beginning
required paperwork, conducting the assessment process, and setting a wedding
date (generally completed six months before wedding)
-
Assessment Tool: engaged couples meet with
either a married couple or a parish staff member to process a pre-marriage
survey. Additional meetings for pre-nuptial forms may also be a part of
this step. (generally completed 4-5 months before wedding)
-
Educational component: opportunity(ies)
for engaged couples to explore and evaluate needed marital skills, i.e.
communication, spirituality, sexuality and natural family planning,
finances, parenting, etc; (generally completed three months before wedding)
-
Liturgy planning session: meeting with the
parish minister to review the marriage preparation process and to plan the
wedding liturgy.
-
Aftercare: through a variety of options,
newly-married couples can participate in follow-up ministry and support.
Problems and a high divorce rate often plague a couple in the first few
years of marriage. Contact your parish or local Family Life Office for
these opportunities.
Assessment Process:
This process has three specific purposes: (1) to help couples become more
aware of areas needing further communication; (2) to enable the parish
minister to become aware of areas where dialogue with the couple and/or
additional information would prove helpful; and (3) to determine whether the
marriage should be delayed.
There are a number of options that can be included
in the assessment process:
- Use of the M-1 form with the couple’s written
responses
- Use of the pre-marital assessment instrument:
FOCCUS
- Use of the
Myers-Briggs Type
Indicator
- Use of interviewing skills
- Use of professional counselors if needed
FOCCUS – Facilitating Open
Couple Communication, Understanding and Study
FOCCUS is an aid for your marriage. It can help you study, understand,
and communicate openly about many things that are important to your
relationship. It is not a test or way to predict the future. Rather it is
designed to help engaged
 couple target the topics you need and want to
address as a couple. It is a questionnaire which is taken approximately 3-6
months prior to the marriage. Answer sheets are sent to the Family Life
Office for processing and returned to the parish for a married couple or
parish minister to facilitate with the couple.
There are 13 categories that questions are sorted into,
so it is easy to see where more communication would be helpful. Below are
the various categories:
·
Life Style Expectations
·
Friends and Interest
·
Personality Match
·
Personal Issues
·
Communications
·
Problem Solving
·
Religion and Values
·
Parenting Issues
·
Extended Family Issues
·
Sexuality Issues
·
Financial Issues
·
Readiness Issues
·
Marriage Covenant
In addition there are special categories to address
particular issues some engaged couples face:
·
Interfaith Marriages
·
Second Marriages
·
Cohabiting Couples
Many parishes in the Archdiocese have trained married
couples who can facilitate the process of interpreting FOCCUS with the
engaged couple. The engaged couple will meet in the rectory or in the
married couple’s home for two or three sessions to go over the printout and
the accompanying graph. The atmosphere in these sessions is relaxed and
friendly. The purpose is always to assist couples to prepare for a happy
marriage by communicating about those areas which may not have been
carefully considered before-hand. The married couple will report back to
the priest or deacon to complete this phase of preparation for marriage.
This report is confidential, as are all other reports made in the marriage
preparation process.
Myers-Briggs Type
Indicator (*) Instrument: The MBTI instrument is based on Swiss
physician and psychologist C.G. Jung’s theory that different types of people
will perceive the world and make decisions in different ways. The Indicator
as developed by a mother daughter team of Katharine Cook Briggs and Isabel
Briggs Myers from Jung’s theory, identifies the following eight preferences:
Extraversion or Introversion (E-I):
The E-I scale
identifies a person’s primary orientation: an active orientation to the
outer world of people and things (E) or a reflective orientation to
the inner world of images and ideas (I).
Sensing
or Intuition (S-N):
The S-N scale
indicates a person’s preferred mode of perception: attention to facts,
details, and the present (S) or attention to theory, possibilities,
and the future (N).
Thinking or Feeling (T-F):
The T-F scale shows a person’s preferred basis for decision making:
logical analysis (T) or personal values (F).
Judging or Perceiving (J-P):
The J-P scale reveals whether a person favors a lifestyle that is
more decisive and planned (J) or a lifestyle that is more flexible
and spontaneous (P).
Based on a self-selection process, people receive a
four-letter type designation. There are sixteen possible personality
types. This four-letter type preference is further validated by the
individual’s personal interpretation of the MBTI results.
The Family Life Office can refer you to qualified
professionals in the Cincinnati Archdiocese who can both administer and
interpret restricted MBTI materials with insight and understanding. Please
contact the Family Life Office nearest you.
For more information about Myers-Briggs Type Indicator,
please contact the Center for Applications of Psychological Type (CAPT) at
www.capt.org.
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Educational
Component: Attendance at one or more diocesan-sponsored or
recognized marriage preparation programs will fulfill the requirement of the
“educational component” in the preparation process. The following are
options for this component:
·
Pre-Cana: an
Archdiocesan, regional, day-long marriage preparation seminar for couples
entering Catholic or Interfaith marriages. These are held on Saturdays in
three different locations within the Archdiocese of Cincinnati:
Cincinnati,
Dayton, and
Sidney.
·
Engaged Encounter: an
intense weekend of marriage preparation presented by a team of two married
couples and a priest. Through presentations by the team, the engaged
couple is led to dialogue privately with each other on all aspects of
married life. The weekend is NOT a retreat, counseling clinic,
sensitivity session or exercise in group dynamics. The local chapter
in the Cincinnati area is:
www.cincinnatiengagedencounter.org.
·
Evenings for
Engaged: a small group marriage preparation program available in a
number of parishes, usually presented over a six week period by a priest and
a married couple in a married couple’s home, or local parish. Group sizes
range from 2-6 couples of various ages and backgrounds.
·
Couple-Sponsors: trained married
couples who meet one-on-one with an engaged couple for several months.
Through the use of FOCCUS and/or a marriage preparation manual, they
complete the educational component of the marriage preparation process.
Please contact the Family Life Office nearest you for further information.
·
Natural Family Planning Series (NFP):
personal instruction on the practice of spacing babies according to an
informed awareness of a woman’s fertility. There are various
methods, all effective and safe.
Click here for more information.
·
Parish
Initiatives: some parishes have their own marriage preparation
program and/or address selected topics (i.e. Sacramentality, Sexuality). It
is best to check with the parish to find out the specific requirements.
Liturgy
Planning Session: This is the final meeting with the parish
minister to review the whole marriage preparation process and to plan the
wedding ceremony. Parishes and/or individuals may wish to order a copy of the archdiocesan wedding planning liturgy booklet, Celebrating Marriage.
Contact your local Family Life Office for more information..
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Aftercare:
Because the highest incidence of divorce occurs within the
first few years of marriage, it’s highly recommended that couples be
supported during this time. Some of the options available are:
·
Millennium Marriages – various
parish initiatives around the diocese offering programs of enrichment and
support usually occurring in a small-group setting. These can be led by
“seasoned married couples” or peers. Contact the Family Life Office nearest you
for further information.
·
To Seal and Strengthen Love – excellent resource for
parishes considering initiating newly-married ministry. Contact the Family Life Office nearest you
for further information.
·
Foundations – a bi-monthly
newsletter for newly-married couples specifically aimed at teaching skills
and providing support throughout the first years of marriage.
(www.foundationsnewsletter.com)
·
Marriage – a bi-monthly marriage
magazine providing enrichment articles for marriages of all “ages.” (www.marriagemagazine.org)
·
Marriage Encounter –
(www.wwme.org)
·
Smart Marriages (www.smartmarriages.com)
·
Family Relations Program – (www.capt.org)
SPECIAL
CONSIDERATIONS
●CO-HABITATION:
The Catholic Christian community looks upon marriage as
the public promise of a man and a woman to a covenant of mutual unselfish
love, fidelity, permanence and openness to children. Further, the Sacrament
of Marriage is a sign of God’s love for humanity and Christ’s love for the
Church. Couples who cohabit (that is, who live together in a sexual
relationship when not married), have not formally pledged themselves to
these values, nor has the Catholic Christian community formally committed
itself to supporting the couple. Lacking a public acknowledgment, the
community cannot be sure of the couples’ intentions. Such a couple cannot
sacramentally model God’s love for humanity and Christ’s love for the
Church. Therefore, the Church doesn’t approve of cohabitation, nor see it
as a fitting or appropriate preparation for marriage. By desiring a
sacramental marriage, the engaged couple is asking for “a marriage in the
Lord,” and for God to be the “third partner” in the marriage. The following
questions might be helpful in exploring co-habitation:
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- Why did you choose to live together? (fear of
permanent commitment, testing the relationship, convenience, need for
companionship, financial reasons, escape from home, etc.)
- What have you learned from your experience of living
together?
- What is causing you to want to commit yourselves to
marriage at this time?
- Was there a previous reluctance/hesitation to marry?
If so, why? Are you now at a new point of personal development?
- What is it that prompts you to marry in the Roman
Catholic Church at this time?
- What does marriage as a sacrament/sacred union
(covenant) mean to you?
- How do you see your love and the continued growth of
your love for one another as being an intimate part of your marriage?
The following resource could be helpful for either
co-habiting couples and/or marriage preparation ministers:
Living Together and Christian Commitment (A Reflection
for Engaged Couples who are Living Together) – James Healy, PH.D. (www.rootedinlove.org)
●ECUMENICAL
MARRIAGES: Marriages in which the partners do not share
the same religious persuasion and affiliation are considered
ecumenical
marriages. It is recommended that the parish minister
preparing the engaged couple spend time exploring the influence and impact
of the differing faith traditions on their future life together. Experience
shows there are a number of areas to explore:
- Identifying with a faith community – will the couple
be involved with one, none, or both??
- Religious formation of the children – the Catholic
party promises to raise the children Catholic, yet religious education is
a serious responsibility of both parents. How will the other faith
tradition be included?
- Extended family members – although much progress has
been made in the feelings and attitudes of people concerning interfaith
marriages, there are still many instances in which the parents or family
members of the engaged couple may be offended by the fact that one party
is not of the same faith tradition.
- Studies have shown the direct correlation between
marriage and religion. It is either a bonder (positive) or divider
(negative). What are ways to forge this path to unity? Contact your
local Family Life Office for further information.
- Below are some resources for interfaith/interchurch
couples:
- Dovetail:
A Journal by and for Jewish/Christian Families.
- American Association of Interchurch Families (AAIF)
– opportunities for interchurch families (Catholic/Protestant) through
education, support, spiritual growth, outreach, and fellowship.
Chapters of this organization are regionally based. Please contact
your nearest Family Life Office for further information.
www.interchurchfamilies.org - is a worldwide website for interchurch families.
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