Family Life Office

Meeting with marriage preparation minister: this initial meeting includes gathering basic information, beginning required paperwork, conducting the assessment process, and setting a wedding date (generally completed six months before wedding)
Assessment Tool: engaged couples meet with either a married couple or a parish staff member to process a pre-marriage survey. Additional meetings for pre-nuptial forms may also be a part of this step. (generally completed 4-5 months before wedding)
Educational component: opportunity(ies) for engaged couples to explore and evaluate needed marital skills, i.e. communication, spirituality, sexuality and natural family planning, finances, parenting, etc; (generally completed three months before wedding)
Liturgy planning session: meeting with the parish minister to review the marriage preparation process and to plan the wedding liturgy.
Aftercare: through a variety of options, newly-married couples can participate in follow-up ministry and support. Problems and a high divorce rate often plague a couple in the first few years of marriage. Contact your parish or local Family Life Office for these opportunities.

Assessment Process: This process has three specific purposes: (1) to help couples become more aware of areas needing further communication; (2) to enable the parish minister to become aware of areas where dialogue with the couple and/or additional information would prove helpful; and (3) to determine whether the marriage should be delayed.

There are a number of options that can be included in the assessment process:

Use of the M-1 form with the couple’s written responses
Use of the pre-marital assessment instrument: FOCCUS
Use of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator
Use of interviewing skills
Use of professional counselors if needed

FOCCUS – Facilitating Open Couple Communication, Understanding and Study

FOCCUS is an aid for your marriage. It can help you study, understand, and communicate openly about many things that are important to your relationship. It is not a test or way to predict the future. Rather it is designed to help engaged couple target the topics you need and want to address as a couple. It is a questionnaire which is taken approximately 3-6 months prior to the marriage. Answer sheets are sent to the Family Life Office for processing and returned to the parish for a married couple or parish minister to facilitate with the couple.

There are 13 categories that questions are sorted into, so it is easy to see where more communication would be helpful. Below are the various categories:

Life Style Expectations
Friends and Interest
Personality Match
Personal Issues
Communications
Problem Solving
Religion and Values
Parenting Issues
Extended Family Issues
Sexuality Issues
Financial Issues
Readiness Issues
Marriage Covenant

In addition there are special categories to address particular issues some engaged couples face:

Interfaith Marriages
Second Marriages
Cohabiting Couples

Many parishes in the Archdiocese have trained married couples who can facilitate the process of interpreting FOCCUS with the engaged couple. The engaged couple will meet in the rectory or in the married couple’s home for two or three sessions to go over the printout and the accompanying graph. The atmosphere in these sessions is relaxed and friendly. The purpose is always to assist couples to prepare for a happy marriage by communicating about those areas which may not have been carefully considered before-hand. The married couple will report back to the priest or deacon to complete this phase of preparation for marriage. This report is confidential, as are all other reports made in the marriage preparation process.

Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (*) Instrument: The MBTI instrument is based on Swiss physician and psychologist C.G. Jung’s theory that different types of people will perceive the world and make decisions in different ways. The Indicator as developed by a mother daughter team of Katharine Cook Briggs and Isabel Briggs Myers from Jung’s theory, identifies the following eight preferences:

Extraversion or Introversion (E-I):

The E-I scale identifies a person’s primary orientation: an active orientation to the outer world of people and things (E) or a reflective orientation to the inner world of images and ideas (I).

Sensing or Intuition (S-N):

The S-N scale indicates a person’s preferred mode of perception: attention to facts, details, and the present (S) or attention to theory, possibilities, and the future (N).

Thinking or Feeling (T-F):
The T-F scale shows a person’s preferred basis for decision making: logical analysis (T) or personal values (F).

Judging or Perceiving (J-P):
The J-P scale reveals whether a person favors a lifestyle that is more decisive and planned (J) or a lifestyle that is more flexible and spontaneous (P).

Based on a self-selection process, people receive a four-letter type designation. There are sixteen possible personality types. This four-letter type preference is further validated by the individual’s personal interpretation of the MBTI results.

The Family Life Office can refer you to qualified professionals in the Cincinnati Archdiocese who can both administer and interpret restricted MBTI materials with insight and understanding. Please contact the Family Life Office nearest you.

For more information about Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, please contact the Center for Applications of Psychological Type (CAPT) at www.capt.org.

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Educational Component: Attendance at one or more diocesan-sponsored or recognized marriage preparation programs will fulfill the requirement of the “educational component” in the preparation process. The following are options for this component:

Pre-Cana: an Archdiocesan, regional, day-long marriage preparation seminar for couples entering Catholic or Interfaith marriages. These are held on Saturdays in three different locations within the Archdiocese of Cincinnati: Cincinnati, Dayton, and Sidney.
Engaged Encounter: an intense weekend of marriage preparation presented by a team of two married couples and a priest. Through presentations by the team, the engaged couple is led to dialogue privately with each other on all aspects of married life. The weekend is NOT a retreat, counseling clinic, sensitivity session or exercise in group dynamics. The local chapter in the Cincinnati area is: www.cincinnatiengagedencounter.org.
Evenings for Engaged: a small group marriage preparation program available in a number of parishes, usually presented over a six week period by a priest and a married couple in a married couple’s home, or local parish. Group sizes range from 2-6 couples of various ages and backgrounds.
Couple-Sponsors: trained married couples who meet one-on-one with an engaged couple for several months. Through the use of FOCCUS and/or a marriage preparation manual, they complete the educational component of the marriage preparation process. Please contact the Family Life Office nearest you for further information.
Natural Family Planning Series (NFP): personal instruction on the practice of spacing babies according to an informed awareness of a woman’s fertility. There are various methods, all effective and safe. Click here for more information.
Parish Initiatives: some parishes have their own marriage preparation program and/or address selected topics (i.e. Sacramentality, Sexuality). It is best to check with the parish to find out the specific requirements.

Liturgy Planning Session: This is the final meeting with the parish minister to review the whole marriage preparation process and to plan the wedding ceremony. Parishes and/or individuals may wish to order a copy of the archdiocesan wedding planning liturgy booklet, Celebrating Marriage. Contact your local Family Life Office for more information..

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Aftercare: Because the highest incidence of divorce occurs within the first few years of marriage, it’s highly recommended that couples be supported during this time. Some of the options available are:

Millennium Marriages – various parish initiatives around the diocese offering programs of enrichment and support usually occurring in a small-group setting. These can be led by “seasoned married couples” or peers. Contact the Family Life Office nearest you for further information.
To Seal and Strengthen Love – excellent resource for parishes considering initiating newly-married ministry. Contact the Family Life Office nearest you for further information.
Foundations – a bi-monthly newsletter for newly-married couples specifically aimed at teaching skills and providing support throughout the first years of marriage. (www.foundationsnewsletter.com)
Marriage – a bi-monthly marriage magazine providing enrichment articles for marriages of all “ages.” (www.marriagemagazine.org)
Marriage Encounter – (www.wwme.org)
Smart Marriages (www.smartmarriages.com)
Family Relations Program – (www.capt.org)

SPECIAL CONSIDERATIONS

●CO-HABITATION:

The Catholic Christian community looks upon marriage as the public promise of a man and a woman to a covenant of mutual unselfish love, fidelity, permanence and openness to children. Further, the Sacrament of Marriage is a sign of God’s love for humanity and Christ’s love for the Church. Couples who cohabit (that is, who live together in a sexual relationship when not married), have not formally pledged themselves to these values, nor has the Catholic Christian community formally committed itself to supporting the couple. Lacking a public acknowledgment, the community cannot be sure of the couples’ intentions. Such a couple cannot sacramentally model God’s love for humanity and Christ’s love for the Church. Therefore, the Church doesn’t approve of cohabitation, nor see it as a fitting or appropriate preparation for marriage. By desiring a sacramental marriage, the engaged couple is asking for “a marriage in the Lord,” and for God to be the “third partner” in the marriage. The following questions might be helpful in exploring co-habitation:

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Why did you choose to live together? (fear of permanent commitment, testing the relationship, convenience, need for companionship, financial reasons, escape from home, etc.)
What have you learned from your experience of living together?
What is causing you to want to commit yourselves to marriage at this time?
Was there a previous reluctance/hesitation to marry? If so, why? Are you now at a new point of personal development?
What is it that prompts you to marry in the Roman Catholic Church at this time?
What does marriage as a sacrament/sacred union (covenant) mean to you?
How do you see your love and the continued growth of your love for one another as being an intimate part of your marriage?

The following resource could be helpful for either co-habiting couples and/or marriage preparation ministers:

Living Together and Christian Commitment (A Reflection for Engaged Couples who are Living Together) – James Healy, PH.D. (www.rootedinlove.org)

●ECUMENICAL MARRIAGES: Marriages in which the partners do not share the same religious persuasion and affiliation are considered ecumenical marriages. It is recommended that the parish minister preparing the engaged couple spend time exploring the influence and impact of the differing faith traditions on their future life together. Experience shows there are a number of areas to explore:

Identifying with a faith community – will the couple be involved with one, none, or both??
Religious formation of the children – the Catholic party promises to raise the children Catholic, yet religious education is a serious responsibility of both parents. How will the other faith tradition be included?
Extended family members – although much progress has been made in the feelings and attitudes of people concerning interfaith marriages, there are still many instances in which the parents or family members of the engaged couple may be offended by the fact that one party is not of the same faith tradition.
Studies have shown the direct correlation between marriage and religion. It is either a bonder (positive) or divider (negative). What are ways to forge this path to unity? Contact your local Family Life Office for further information.
Below are some resources for interfaith/interchurch couples:
- Dovetail: A Journal by and for Jewish/Christian Families.
- American Association of Interchurch Families (AAIF) – opportunities for interchurch families (Catholic/Protestant) through education, support, spiritual growth, outreach, and fellowship. Chapters of this organization are regionally based. Please contact your nearest Family Life Office for further information. www.interchurchfamilies.org - is a worldwide website for interchurch families.

MARRIAGE PREPARATION: Marriage Preparation Guidelines

MARRIAGE PREPARATION:
Marriage Preparation Guidelines