CT - Finding hope amidst loss at St. Susanna Parish

ST. ANDREW DEANERY — It is unimaginable to remember the adorable baby who cooed and wiggled at her baptism; she lies lifeless just months later.

There is the long-time parishioner whose soul has finally been released after a long battle with cancer, and the teenager who committed suicide after losing his will to live.

St. Susanna Church, a congregation of 12,000 in Mason, has seen more than its share of tragic funeral Masses in recent months.

Some were high-profile deaths seen on the 6 o’clock news, such as those of the Veillette family last January. The father, Michel Veillette, was charged with stabbing his wife to death and setting fire to their Mason home, killing their four children. He hanged him himself in his jail cell this summer before being brought to trial.

In August the body of Sarah Widmer was found in the bathtub of her home. Just four months before, she and husband, Ryan, were married at the parish. He has since been charged with aggravated murder for allegedly drowning her.

These tragic losses have made the headlines, but there are also others who are nameless outside of St. Susanna whose absence from this life is missed greatly.

"We’ve had an awful lot (of deaths) in these last two years," said Father John Tonkin, temporary parochial administrator at St. Susanna. "Father Ted Ross (a Jesuit priest who teaches at the Athenaeum of Ohio/Mount St. Mary’s Seminary) called me after the Veillette tragedy and said, ‘The seminary really doesn’t prepare you for something that tragic.’ In that aspect, it doesn’t prepare you for a specific incident either. The seminary gives education."

Families and friends who are left to mourn can find solace and hope in the Lord, says the pastoral staff at St. Susanna.

"Life is change, not the end," said Father Dan Schuh, pastor, who suffers from Lou Gehrig’s disease and has limited mobility. "Being able to contribute in ministry has been very life-giving. Little by little my muscles are abandoning me, but I’m still able to come in every day to work with (families) and pray with them. For that, I’m grateful."

St. Susanna has been the site of 54 funerals already this year; last year it was 38. They usually average 30 funerals per year, said Rosie Leugers, pastoral associate, who oversees the parish’s bereavement ministry.

Leugers explained that as sad as death is, the souls that have left this life are with God. She has counseled families at St. Susanna and has worked as a chaplain at St. Elizabeth Hospital, ministering to patients as they transitioned from this life to the afterlife.

"Even though it’s a natural process, we have to find Christ’s love and trust that," she said. "I know they are called home. I truly believe that."

The parish’s bereavement ministry assists the family with planning the visitation and funeral by helping them choose their loved one’s favorite Scripture passages and music and planning a reception afterwards.

No matter how many families she counsels, bereavement minister Bert Polley can’t help but let tears fill her eyes and spill onto her cheeks.

"I cry with every family. When I stop feeling for the family I’m ministering to, then I’ll stop doing that job," she said. "We’ve lost quite a few infants. When a baby dies, I really feel because I have lost a grandchild."

During the difficult times, Polley said she offers words of comfort to a family. Other times, she’ll sit and listen.

"I think every family I work with I learn something," Polley said. "It might be tragic today, then weeks down the road you’ll see the good that came from something tragic."

Both Fathers Tonkin and Schuh admit that celebrating Mass of Christian Burial for a baby, child or teenager is most difficult. Their emotions have swung from sadness to happiness and back, as they perform weddings of couples starting a new life together and baptize newborns who will grow up and learn God’s love.

"The key is adrenaline. We have to move from one to the next. If we don’t take the time to be with God to decompress, we’ll never make it," said Father Tonkin, who recently suffered the loss of his own father.

"There have been times when we had three funerals in a week. Then three months (would pass) until the next funeral," Father Schuh said.

The priests said they didn’t know the Veillette family, but Father Tonkin knew Ryan and Sarah Widmer; he married the couple in April. "When I got the call, I couldn’t believe it," Father Tonkin said.

As he took a moment to think how to describe the turn of events, Father Schuh explained, "As you prepare a couple for marriage, you grow close to them."

The priests and those who serve in bereavement ministry agree they have all learned something bigger in the midst of sad surprises and heartbreak.

"The amazing thing is we see God’s grace," Father Tonkin said. "Our job is to give people a sense of hope. That’s what helps us."

‘What any friend would do’

By Carmen M. Hubbard

ST. ANDREW DEANERY — No matter the number of souls God calls home, St. Susanna parishioners have formed a community to rely on each other for support and strength. Though pastors of the parish deliver the message of Christ’s love when a parishioner has died, St. Susanna’s bereavement ministry provides a network of care to those who mourn the loss of their relative or friend.

"It’s important to have as many people in the community so that they (survivors of the deceased) know they have that solid grounding. God created us in community and being a part of that community," said Rosie Leugers, St. Susanna pastoral associate, who oversees the bereavement ministry.

The parish on Reading Road in Mason has a bereavement ministry of 14 people — five of whom are in training. When the parish is notified about a recent death of a parishioner, a bereavement minister visits the surviving family to help plan a funeral and to counsel them through the difficult time.

Bert Polley has been a bereavement minister for 27 years at the parish. She got involved when a father of her daughter’s classmate committed suicide. Polley consoled the wife, who was naturally devastated.

"All I was doing was what any friend would do. We get more out of it than we could ever give. Families don’t know what to do and are just thankful," she said.

While the commitment is fulfilling it is also be demanding in that a minister must be willing to respond at any time, day or night, to comfort the surviving relatives. Parishioners are usually paired with a minister who has experienced the same loss such as death of a parent, sibling, spouse or child. Polley best described being a bereavement minister as a listening job.

"We walk them through planning a funeral. We find out their needs such as transportation for out of town relatives," Polley said.

New ministers receive training from seasoned ones by accompanying them to assist a family. Parishioners usually become a bereavement minister having experienced the comfort and support they received during their loss, Polley said.

She added ministers also follow up with parishioners after the funeral and interment. They’ll continue to assist as needed until the surviving relative can function alone.

Father Dan Schuh, pastor of St. Susanna, said the parish is blessed to have such a strong core and spirit that brings people together. Father John Tonkin, temporary parochial administrator at St. Susanna, said each Mass of Christian Burial for a perished parishioner includes the support and involvement of the bereavement ministry.

For example, funerals for Nadya Ferrari-Veillette and her four children, who perished in a fire in their Mason home, involved the bereavement ministry as well as parish staff and volunteers.

"It does reinforce my belief in the basic good in people," said Father Tonkin. He said the Mass of Christian Burial and led the community prayer service for the Veillette family.

"We had parishioners who wanted to extend hospitality to the community," Father Schuh said. "They were angry when they walked in and loving when they walked out. They knew that St. Susanna cared about the whole community."