Support group helps birth-mothers

By David Eck

DAYTON DEANERY — Nearly 30 years ago, days after giving birth, Lisa Dineen put her newborn baby girl up for adoption. Dineen was just out of high school at the time.

"I finished high school, and I delivered in July," said Dineen. "I had a baby girl, and I saw her for about three days. I thought of her every day, but I never saw her again for 28 years."

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At least not yet.

"I’ve gotten no interaction from (her)," Dineen said. "I was kind of rejected by the situation. No one really knows what you’re feeling unless it’s another girl who’s been through the same thing."

Dealing with the emotions of birth mothers, as well as educating pregnant girls on the benefits of adoption, is the focus of a birth-mothers’ support group formed late last year by Catholic Social Services of the Miami Valley (CSSMV). The group meets regularly in Dayton and Piqua. A key element of the group is to give birth mothers the opportunity to share their emotions with others who have similar feelings.

"We at the agency work with moms who made a plan to place their baby for adoption," said Lori Nielsen-Andrews, birth parent counselor at CSSMV. "I just felt there was a number of birth moms who made that decision but didn’t know any other birth moms who made that decision."

At the same time, the group is also helping other pregnant girls understand the support system in place for birth-mothers.

"I want other girls to come forward and not feel that they have to hide from society," Dineen said. "We call it ‘birth-mothers unite.’ "

The group extends beyond one-on-one counseling. There is a core group of about five people who regularly attend the meetings, including pregnant girls and women who placed babies for adoption, either recently or years ago. Two other birth-parent counselors at CSSMV, Beverly Badgett and Jennifer Black, also work with the support group.

"We may talk about coping skills. We may talk about significant days," Nielsen-Andrews said. "We’ll talk to them about how to work through those days. They very much want to tell their stories."

Girls who make adoption plans for their babies go through an array of emotions including a sense of loss, grief, sadness and also relief that their child is going be raised in a stable home, Nielson-Andrews said.

"I think with a level of openness, it helps our birth moms work through that," she said. "The happiest day for an adoptive family is the saddest day for a birth mom."

For Dineen, the group has helped her deal with her emotions, but at the same time it has empowered her to encourage other pregnant girls to choose adoption.

"I really want these girls to come forward . . . and think about doing this," Dineen said. "You will have support from other people."

In her own case, she realizes the lives she has touched — and is touching — through her daughter’s work.

"I’m celebrating her life," Dineen said. "I feel like things are OK."

While Dineen went through a closed adoption in which she had little or no contact with her child or the adoptive family, a young woman named Xixi made an open adoption plan for her son, who was born about a year ago.

Xixi, who did not want to give her last name, knew she was unable to care for her son. Under her adoption plan, she has regular contact with her son and is updated on his growth.

She, too, has benefited from sharing her experience with the birth-mothers group.

She recalled getting a photo of her son eating spaghetti, one of her own favorite foods. She misses his milestone moments.

"It’s been really nice to talk to people who have had similar experiences," she said. "It’s good to have a safe environment to talk about it with them."

For more information about the birth-mothers support group contact Nielsen-Andrews at 937-223-7217 ext. 2132.